Sensitive, intense, and gifted people have a tendency to ‘over function’, or become an over-functioning partner in codependency pairing. A lot of the problems of dating as an intense person come from their tendency to take on too much, and drive themselves to the state of burn-out.
Due to their natural speed and competence, they take on a more-than-average amount of responsibilities at work, at home, and even in their own relationship. This can result in them being stuck in a codependency loop of over-functioning-functioning.
Someone who over functions may find it hard to tolerate witnessing other people making mistakes or not performing optimally. They can’t help but offer the ‘better way’, thus finding it hard to not absorb other people’s emotions or let things go.
When it comes to chores, they often feel is easier and better if they just take care of everything rather than delegating. Unfortunately, though well-meaning at first, your efficiency, independence, and reluctance to let go can be the start of a loop of codependency in relationships.
As the over-functioning partner, you also have a tendency to do everything. You have never been able to lean on anyone else – to solve problems, to share feelings, to help you out. Even in a time of crisis, you may keep issues to yourself without sharing them with your partner; as a result, they feel frustrated or left out.
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference parhaat norjalaiset treffisivustot.”? Elie Wiesel
Reflect on the differences between a life partner and a soulmate
A lot of the problems intense people have in dating and in relationships can be resolved or alleviated by narrowing the gaps between their expectations and the reality that they face. To achieve this, one way that might be useful is to differentiate between their need for a ‘life partner’, versus their desire to meet their ultimate ‘soulmate’.
As the modern philosopher, Alain De Botton pointed out, many of us have been influenced by Romanticism and have come to believe that there is one ‘soulmate’ we ought to meet, who can plug our souls’ gaps and meet all our needs. This is amplified by fairy tales, Disney’s stories, and other Hollywood movies. This expectation, according to De Botton, is a disaster.
To live in this world, it could be invaluable to have a companion who is trustworthy and dependable. They could be our co-pilot in handling life tasks such as shopping, working, and parenting. They are our best friends, practical support, and our next of kin. You may not have an electrifying spiritual connection, but they make you feel calm and supported. This companion is your life partner.
On the other hand, you crave an intense and soulful connection with someone who could meet you on multiple levels- emotionally, spiritually, sexually. These are the soulmates who ‘get you’ intuitively, and you never feel tired or bored by interactions with them. When you meet them, you feel exhilarated, instantly understood, and communication is effortless.
Relationship Advice For Gifted Adults
The theory of love in traditional psychology differentiates between companionate love and passionate lovepanionate love involves feelings of mutual respect and trust, while passionate love involves intense feelings and ‘a state of intense longing for union’ (Elaine Hatfield). Typically, the former is what we have with a life partner, whilst the latter is what we feel from an infatuation with a soulmate.
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